My Deepest Fear is NOT that I am powerful beyond measure…

… but instead, that I am simply – inadequate.

"It is our light, not our darkness
that most frightens us[?]"

Well, in my case America – it's both. Two months in, life in the UAE has begun to change… Most days, I love what I've done with myself, and where I am. Other days, I'm frustrated with the lack of logic and educational understanding that I'm faced with on a day to day basis. Ultimately, I know that it is my natural luminosity, intelligence, and quest for experiences compounded with knowledge – that keeps me here; and the encountered daily stress that begs me to bid this place adieu.

Present pressures come in two groups: personal, and professional. No surprise there right? Everyone reading this will nod in agreement and read on, while I share from each pot.

Personally, I've grown uncomfortable with some of what it means to be Emirate (citizen of one of the seven United Arab Emirates) and the contradictions of character it produces. Note… I am also uncomfortable with some of what it means to be BLACK in America – but this blog is intended to depict what I'm going through NOW ;). Here in the UAE, most of Emirate are wealthy. Certainly not old money – as Dubai and such didn't exist 30 years ago… but long story, short, these people are loaded, and most, without having to actually work in order to provide for their families. You could possibly imagine (and you may not have seen it up close before) what becoming rich 'overnight' can do to a once nomadic and poor civilization. In lamest terms, in some cases, it created monsters, or a human variation of such.

People who hire drivers to drive them to their destinations in beautiful luxury vehicles, with hired female servants (typically of east Asian decent) who open car doors and other doors/gates to any and all facilities for their 'owners'.

These are the same, often down-trodden women of servitude who carry shopping bags in symbolically purchased uniforms, with tears in their eyes. Why the tears? Maybe because she misses home and her family- as I do; or it could be because she is being shared sexually amongst men in the house… If she becomes more 'unlucky' – the child that develops of her human sacrifice must stay in the UAE, becoming a ward of the state – while mother will be deported immediately. Having a child and being unwed, is illegal. On top of that… having the bastard child of a married man, under his family's roof, behind his wife or wives back(s) – is an embarrassment. I stand behind them in grocery stores and H&M while purses, groceries, and clothing are being flung into their petite frames and they're being spoken to in harsh tones, and I pray. I ask God to have mercy – and to teach me in my dreams what this servant's home country must have been like, for her to consider this abuse a better life.

I also disagree with the use of nannies to essentially raise one's children. This happens all over the world, I'm sure. But it's quite loathsome to watch mothers walk away from crying children in the arms of nannies. Nannies that do my students' homework and braid their ponytails in the mornings on their way to school. Lastly, it bothers me that no one feels inclined to clean up after themselves in any shape or form. Trays and food stuffs are left all over the table and floor in malls, restaurants, school areas… Just this weekend, I watched a young Emirate man wash his hands underneath a bottle of water that his friend was pouring onto the floor. I was embarrassed to be sitting at the table next to him… and you know what, embarrassed for him.

HOWEVER, AMERICA!

I face an internal conflict behind certain aspects of what I see and hear! The employers of drivers, and nannies, and 'helpers' are the same women who quickly usher me inside of their planning room during my breaks – and offer me tea, bread, cheese, and sweets! They ask about my day, my life, and show me photos of themselves and their families. These women inquire about my Arabic lessons and tell of trips they've taken during holidays with their loved ones… I could never be upset with them! For these women, I don't judge… just shrug. No one is perfect… No ethnicity, nationality or nation is without history; both good and bad.

*SIGH* I'm pooped… We'll have to discuss my personal problems later! ;) Love you all,

Goodnight.

Al-salam alaykum…

… And you, my friend, shall say "wa alaykum al-salam". This week has been nothing less than insightful and riveting!
I've grown ridiculously spoiled here at the Beach Rotana, and am due to write a letter to hotel chains across the Americas in regards to their 'relaxed' customer service! My schedule has picked up quite a bit, making it even more necessary for me to put myself on a decent sleep schedule! After occasionally swimming in the Arabic sea, stealing wifi by the pool, ordering room service at odd hours, walking the mall frequently, and enjoying housekeeping services TWICE a day—I'm BEAT! No seriously, as many of you may know, I've entered the United Arab Emirates during their Holy month of Ramadan. During this month they focus very heavily on the 5 Pillars of Islam, but one especially: Siyam, or fasting. Because of this – restaurants are closed throughout the day until sundown. Leaving us Americans access to the coveted – bottle of water, stolen breakfast banana, or leftover bag of Doritos. I might have even lost a Kilo(gram) since my arrival! J

Sheikh Zayed Mosque

My experience/relationship with Abu Dhabi this week has been absolutely saturated with cultural learning! A wise man (aka Tuesday morning's key Speaker), Mr. Ali Saloom spoke a good word on "cultural understanding". The point of the matter? That cultural understanding means absolutely NOTHING. It is respect and appreciation that truly matter when taking others and the way they live into consideration…. DEEP. In fact, I let that marinade and applied it to other areas in my life! I agreed with the Muslim man… I don't need your shallow 'understanding', as much as I require your respect and appreciation of who I am and what I look like as a person! *church* Soooo, how does that apply to me as a teacher of young Arabic/Islamic girls? It means that I now know, Arabic doesn't mean Emirate. It could mean Moroccan, Syrian, Jordanian, or Egyptian! It means that I am in a country where purity is perpetuated, so public drunkenness is shameful before Allah. It means that practically EVERYTHING I assumed about Emirate men and women is NOT true… However, at the end of the day – the symbolism behind those things are far GREATER and awesome than I could of imagined! If you'd like to know what they stand for… just ask!
Lastly, yesterday morning – as it is now around 6am here – we visited the WORLD renowned Sheikh Zayed Mosque, known to the locals as the Grand Mosque. It was breathtaking. I learned so much about the religion of Islam, and the people as a whole, and I'm blown away. The Emirate are very receptive, open, and exquisite. Among those things they are proud of who they are and what they stand for as a nation… The mosque you see was conceived by the late Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan in the late 1980's. He wanted a place where his people could worship, and visitors around the World can come in peace and share in Allah's glory. Entrance is completely free… Building of this landmark took ten years to after conception to even begin, and is still being completed till this very day. A better description and many more photos can be found on my Facebook if you'd like.

Mugg and Bean…

…was my first stop. The Westernized coffee shop found right inside of the Abu Dhabi mall, shortly after my arrival at the Beach Rotana hotel. So quickly after receiving my luggage from the bellhop did I run to the nearest internet café that it wasn't until after I had settled in for the night that I realized: a) there are two toilets, b) the accommodations are luxurious, and c) the people, the places, and the city… are not my own.

Abu Dhabi has its own swagger. One that says "it's perfectly OK for everyone to be covered here from head to toe in light, fine linens – because here in the UAE we frequent Tiffany, Cartier, Bulgari, Gucci, and Burberry." There are no Samanthas or Carrie Bradshaws here discussing their loves and lives over dessert, as the majority of the mall restaurants are filled with groups of men and young boys, smoking and speaking in a rough whisper. I haven't gone far just yet, but judging by the clothes on the mannequins in the Abu Dhabi mall – this should be interesting.

I haven't done much. It's just after 6.am on Sunday (I think) and my Friday/Saturday was filled with last minute packing, flying, in-flight movies, free red wine, getting mini food poisonings TWICE, making quick friends, having my retina scanned by AD's security, work visas, passports, scanning carry-on luggage, wondering what customs had taken while I wasn't looking, and LOTS and lots of Tylenol.

Orientation begins in a few hours and I have slated to wear jeans, sandals, and a shirt that comes down past my thighs with shoulders covered. Check. I want nothing more than to hop on Facebook/Twitter to chat and reply to blessings and messages from loved ones… or to jump on my video phone/Skype with close friends…. I wonder what the children are like, and if I brought enough school supplies.

I'm positive that I'll survive (I mean, have you met my mother) – but ultimately, I hope that my stay is pleasant. I hope my family and friends take advantage of my new home which lies across the World and make plans to visit. I hope the novelty of my being gone doesn't wear off too quickly, and I can always come home to a voice and/or email.

For those of you who are reading this and on your way soon: we'll be fine – I saw a Steve Madden and a Nine West in the mall. J

Cheers!